---If you have a friend who has just bought some land in the country and they are unfamiliar with mushroom hunting, don’t take advantage of them. Only charge a small fee to clear out their morel infestation.
--If you start out on a hunt in the morning and find a dead body in the woods, be sure to contact the authorities...eventually.
--Although it might seem like a funny idea at the time, early mornings in April are a bad time to wear your turkey costume in the woods.
--Advice for newbies: When you first get to the forest, head for the first dead tree you see. If you don’t see any morels, the season hasn’t started yet.
-- Ticks and poison ivy are your friends. They keep all the wimps out of the woods.
--Fishermen tell little white lies. Morel hunters create alternate realities.
-- It can get cold in the mornings, so be sure to bring along some warm clothing. That way, you will have a nice heavy jacket to carry around for the rest of the day.
-- Is it the thrill of discovery, or the taste of the mushrooms, that drives people wild? Nope. We just really like walking through spider webs.
-- (Apologies to Steven Wright): There’s a fine line between morel hunting and just standing in the woods like an idiot.
-- If you really love someone, take them morel hunting. If you really hate someone, take them morel hunting.
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